i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
