never play flip cup with pint glasses
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
