i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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