I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
