Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize