is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
