Where did you get a picture of my penis
love makes seman taste better
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
