$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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