I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
