u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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