I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish you could order shots online.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
