I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
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I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
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Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...