Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning