I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30