actually, I'm a sock model
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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