areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
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you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
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Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE