we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.