he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
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i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.