I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"