U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
