oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
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Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
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I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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