She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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