The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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