birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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