Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
