You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The air taste purple.
Randomize
