im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
