dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
