No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
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A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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