Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.