That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
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He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
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Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?