Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
