At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
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Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
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new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.