My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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