I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.