Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
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I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?