They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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