I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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