he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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