i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
