google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.