I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.