Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
