She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
