okay pat passed out under dana's car
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
