I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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