You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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