This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
