If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
