I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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