You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
