We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
