I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Your cock deserves a montage
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
