He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You took a bar mat shot.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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