i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
