dude i'm inner monologue high
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
