party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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