OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
pray to the hookup gods
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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