i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
