After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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