I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
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I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize