I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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