so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
