He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize