Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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