we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
