i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.