She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..