Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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