is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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