Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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