her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
