He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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