being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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