There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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