Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
