But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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