So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
