Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
