Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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