I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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